i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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