ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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