This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
