We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
