feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
