not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
