I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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