If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
