we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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