Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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