you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
