i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
