please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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