omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
