I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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