Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
