Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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