there's paper in my vomit.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
