you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
why is half of my head shaved?
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