I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
