Already got asked if we're dating
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
