I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And then he peed in my hair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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