I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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