dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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