I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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