I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
