i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
