Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
