At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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