you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
