i jhust puked up my retainher.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
