dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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