you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
