I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
