Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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