So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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