Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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