the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
