dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
