Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
