party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
