Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
