I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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