I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
