i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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