I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
