I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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