I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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