Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh god it's open bar.
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