im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
