I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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