Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
