ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
