i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
