just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
