Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
