If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
