I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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