He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
