so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
