Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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