I want to have your abortion
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
