I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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