she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize