Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize