Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
